Blurred Lines
by x.SodeNoZangetsu.x
Summary: In a post-apocalyptic world, lines which had strictly been black and white are now blurred. What can be considered right and wrong, if anything? Joel questions this after Ellie comes to him with something he never thought he'd hear from her. While struggling with his own moral code, he knows he owes something to Ellie, he's just at a loss of how to go about doing that.


**WARNING: This is a Joel and Ellie **_**romance**_** and **_**lemon**_**. If you're uncomfortable with this couple then turn back now and take your flames with you. **

**On that note, I was extremely hesitant about writing and posting this. As I am trying to extend my writing boundaries, I figured it would be a good experiment. While I understand that Ellie and Joel's relationship in the game is strictly father/daughter-like, this site exists to take things further if one wishes. The thought of them having a romantic relationship appeals to me, no matter how sick or perverse that makes me. **

**Secondly, I have never written a lemon before. This is my first. Please be constructive when leaving criticism; no bashing or flames, please.**

* * *

.:Blurred Lines:.

* * *

Something was happening to Ellie. It was something she had only heard of in books and had never experienced firsthand and it was more frightening than the thousands of Infected she had witnessed within the past year.

Ellie was falling in love.

With Joel.

_Stop,_ she berated herself for the umpteenth time that night. _It's wrong and sick and perverted and a bunch of other things!_

She rolled over only to come face to face with the man who plagued her dreams. He was still in his sleep, his breaths heavy but peaceful. Ellie smiled.

Even after a month of returning to Tommy's, they still shared the same sleeping quarters. They had been given a house with two bedrooms, but Ellie had found herself climbing in beside Joel during their first night. She had tried sleeping alone, but it didn't feel right. After a year with him by her side twenty-four-seven, even the few hours of sleep with his absence felt like eternity. It was then Ellie started questioning her motives for _really_ getting into bed with Joel every night.

It was clear to the both of them how close they had become over the course of the year. When she had first been introduced to Joel, she had immediately had her doubts. This _old guy_ was supposed to deliver her to the Fireflies? Then, when that plan ended badly, he was supposed to take her across the country? But, for the first time since she could remember, Ellie was happy that she had been proven wrong.

Ellie tried to defend herself by saying that they had gone through so much together, how could she not fall for him?

_He's old enough to be your dad!_ The rational side of her mind cut in.

_But he's not! We're not related at all!_ Her emotions retaliated. _So what if he's a lot older? Can it really be that wrong?_

Ellie huffed. Who was she kidding? It was wrong; in so many ways it was. But damn, did she love him. It was in Pittsburgh when she first had these thoughts. Back then it could have merely passed as a crush and nothing more. Now, however…

Her heart fluttered as Joel let out a sigh in his sleep; she felt her stomach knot up as his hot breath reached her face.

It had passed "innocent crush" long ago. Now it was dangerous. Damn it she wanted to kiss him. She wanted him to hold her and whisper sweet nothings in her ear. She wanted to touch him so badly sometimes she literally had to sleep on her hands.

Fuck, she _wanted him_.

She knew what sex was. Several of the novels she had read had it in them. At first, reading such novels hadn't bothered her. It was natural, nothing more. After that winter was when everything changed. The next time she read something similar, all she could think about was Joel. What it would be like if it was him and her. What it would be like for him to kiss her, to run his hands through her hair and down her body.

Ellie huffed and turned over so she wasn't facing him anymore. Who could she turn to with this? She and Joel hadn't been here that long, so neither of them had many friends. She definitely didn't have anyone her age to confide in. It was times like this that she really missed Riley.

She knew Riley had done it before. She had been the age Ellie was now and Ellie had only been about twelve. Riley had come home one day acting different than ever before and Ellie had naturally questioned her. That was the first night Ellie had ever heard about "the birds and the bees".

Now, she was jealous of Riley. She had experienced this special thing called love and Ellie had never come close. Now that she finally was, it was with someone three times her age? How was that fair?

"Fuck you, Joel," Ellie mumbled, closing her eyes and hoping sleep would come.

XxXxX

"G'morning," Joel said as Ellie stepped out of the bedroom the following morning.

"Uh, morning," Ellie mumbled back, averting his gaze.

"Something wrong?" he asked, immediately picking up on the awkwardness.

Ellie just shook her head as she walked past him. "Just tired."

"Okay then. You want some breakfast?"

She shook her head. "Not hungry."

She was hefting her book bag onto her shoulders when Joel stopped her.

"Ellie," he said, and she inwardly shivered at how he said her name. "You sure you okay?"

"Y-Yeah," she answered, hoping he didn't catch her stutter. "I'm gonna be at the library, okay?"

"Okay. See you later then?"

"Yeah."

Jumping off the porch, Ellie took off to the library at a quick pace. What the hell? They hadn't had an awkward conversation like that since they first met. Even with Ellie's thoughts lately. She had always managed to play it cool, so what was that back there?

_I can't be lovesick over him_, she grumbled to herself. _I'm not that kind of girl_.

Maybe she was though and she had just never had reason to feel this way.

"Damn it…"

XxXxX

Luckily, upon reaching the library and immersing herself within a book, Ellie's thoughts cleared. She had made sure the book _wasn't_ sexual in any way and she had even avoided romance completely.

She heard the door open, but didn't look up until she saw a pair of boots in front of her.

"Hey, Ellie. I thought I'd find you here."

It was Maria. Ellie looked up to greet what she would consider her only friend here, aside from Joel.

"Hi, Maria," she replied. "Did you need something?"

"Not really. Joel just asked me to check up on you. He said you were acting funny this morning?"

_Really, Joel? _She cursed him mentally.

"Oh, that. I'm fine, really. I just…have a lot on my mind."

Maria looked puzzled albeit slightly worried as she sat down next to her.

"Anything I can help with?"

Ellie chuckled. "Not really."

"Joel's just worried. I'd like to assure him it's for nothing, but you don't even have me convinced," Maria told her.

"Believe me, if he knew he'd just freak out."

"Now I'm really intrigued." With a smile, she took the book from Ellie. "And you're not going back to reading until you tell me."

Ellie sighed. "Maria…" she whined.

"Ellie…" Maria matched her whine. "Tell me. Please?"

Looking at the ground, Ellie decided she may as well spill. At least Maria was a girl.

"I'm just having…guy troubles."

Maria nearly looked shocked at her answer. "Really? Little Ellie is in love?"

Ellie laughed, although a blush had found its face to her face. "I don't know if I'd go that far." _Even though it's _way_ past that point now, I think._

"Seriously though," Maria softened. "What has you troubled?"

"Just…telling him. He's older than me, so I don't want to scare him off."

Maria looked like she was thinking about who Ellie could possibly be talking about. Before she could start throwing out names, Ellie spoke up again.

"Is it wrong?" she blurted. "To love someone older than you?"

"Of course not," Maria replied, not having any idea just _how_ much older Ellie was talking about. "Tommy's older than me by ten years and no one has given us any trouble."

"That's still the least of my worries," Ellie mumbled.

"Just tell him," Maria told her. "Just flat out say it. Have you kissed yet?"

Ellie's blush deepened. "No."

"Then kiss him. Show him how much you mean it. Make him understand by any means necessary."

"Damn, Maria, you make it sound like you want me to mount him right here and now," Ellie said with a nervous laugh.

Maria just laughed. "If that's what it'll take."

She stood up and prepared to leave.

"Don't let it bother you too much though, okay?" she asked, turning back to face her. "I'm sure it will work itself out."

"I hope so," Ellie whispered.

Maria was almost to the door when Ellie called to her.

"And hey, can you not tell Joel? I need to be the one to talk to him."

Maria smiled and nodded. "My lips are sealed."

Ellie heard the door shut and let out a breath. Maria had no idea she had basically just told Ellie to go fuck Joel. She could only imagine how the conversation would have differed if she knew. Slapping herself mentally, Ellie returned to her book in hopes to calm her raging thoughts and now, her hormones.

XxXxX

"You feeling any better?" Joel asked her later as they got ready for bed.

Finally getting her composure in check, Ellie nodded. "Oh yeah. I was just kind of out of it earlier. Nothing a good book couldn't fix."

"Good." He smiled at her. "Now come on," he said as he turned the bed down, "time for bed."

Ellie didn't hesitate and crawled in next to him, facing away from him for once. She couldn't help the shiver that ran down her spine as he sidled up behind her.

"If something's on your mind, though," he whispered, breath tickling her neck, "you know you can talk to me, right?"

"Of course," Ellie managed to get out with a small scoff. _If only you had any idea, Joel._

"Good. G'night, baby girl."

"'Night."

She felt him roll over and it was then she swore to herself. Tomorrow. Tomorrow she'd tell him.

No, Ellie stopped, remembering Maria's words.

Tomorrow she'll show him.

XxXxX

Damn it, this was harder than Ellie thought it'd be. How do you just spill your feelings to someone so randomly? The next night had come. Ellie was curled into one corner of the couch reading an old Savage Starlight while Joel was occupying himself on the other corner of the couch cleaning their guns—something about going on a hunt with Tommy in a few days.

"You've seen me clean guns before, Ellie," Joel spoke up, alerting Ellie to the fact that she had been staring.

"Sorry," Ellie mumbled, looking back to her comic and praying there wasn't a blush present on her face.

Joel huffed, put the gun he was holding on the floor in front of him and turned to pull the comic from Ellie's hands.

"Ellie," he started, "You don't put up a good front. Something is up and has been for a few days and now you're gonna tell me. I ain't takin' no for an answer."

Ellie groaned. "Joel, it's nothing, really."

"Bullshit." He immediately called her bluff.

_Maybe I should just be vague like with Maria,_ Ellie thought. _Gauge his initial reaction._

"I'm falling for this guy!" she blurted.

Joel's eyes widened and looked genuinely shocked.

"W-What?"

_Well that face is absolutely adorable_, she sidetracked before inwardly smacking herself. _Get back on track, Ellie._

"I…I think I'm falling in love," she rephrased.

"We haven't even been here that long," Joel said.

"You'd be surprised at how quickly it happened."

"Who is he?" he questioned, but Ellie picked up the trace of a demand that was there too.

"You know him, believe it or not."

Joel now looked completely puzzled. "I do?"

Ellie just nodded, hoping this was the best approach.

"I'd guess Tommy but he's with Maria and even you wouldn't get in between a marriage," Joel murmured like he was mainly talking to himself. "Plus he's…old."

Ellie frowned at how he said the latter part. Like she wasn't allowed to fall in love with someone older than her.

"Well…" Ellie said, "He is older than me."

"How much older?"

Ellie sighed; this wasn't going to work.

"A lot…"

"Damn it, Ellie, how much older?!"

"It's you, alright?! I'm falling in love with you, Joel!"

Joel's face turned from one of surprise, to astonishment and then stern.

"Ellie…" he stopped, trying to wrap his head around everything she had just unloaded on him. What the hell was he supposed to say? Ellie simply sat before him with a look of anxiety, a strong blush prominent on her cheeks.

"I'm three times your age," he finally supplied.

"So?" she retorted.

"So?" he repeated. "It's not right. I…I…"

He was truly at a loss for words. This wasn't supposed to happen. She wasn't supposed to fall for him. Damn it this whole trip shouldn't have happened to begin with.

"It may not have been right in _your_ world, Joel, but your world doesn't exist anymore," Ellie said, an edge of anger to her voice. "The world has changed. The world is a shitty place now and to quote Tess we're shitty people. _The world has changed_. You act like there isn't anything worse out there! So there's an age difference; it might have posed a problem twenty years ago, but now? People do what they can to survive! You help me survive, Joel. How was I not supposed to fall for you?"

"Ellie," he mumbled, still somewhat paralyzed. "I just…"

It dawned on Ellie then, and her heart sank.

"You don't feel anything for me, do you?" she asked with a big gulp. "I just spilled my heart and I'm nothing more than a surrogate daughter to you, am I?" Ellie groaned and ran her hands through her hair. "Damn it, I'm retarded!"

Before Joel could put his two cents in—or even take the time to think about his two cents—Ellie had jumped off the couch and ran down the hall, a door slamming several seconds later.

"Shit…" Joel sighed, throwing his head in his hands.

Joel didn't move for a good half-hour. His mind was a whir of thoughts and no matter how hard he tried, he was at a loss to quell them.

What the hell had just happened? It had never crossed Joel's mind that Ellie would eventually want a relationship in general, and it went completely over his head when he realized it was him she had been talking about being in love with. He was the reason she had been so off lately? How long has she felt like this? No wonder she had been avoiding him lately and had been so awkward every time he attempted to make conversation.

Joel really tried to think. He had made it clear their first trip to Tommy's that they weren't father and daughter. He regretted the harshness behind his words then now and wondered if he had just accepted the fact that she could fill the void Sarah left, perhaps her feelings for him would have stopped. He knew he felt paternal love for Ellie; that much was obvious. His heart had been closed off and numb since Sarah's death and Joel knew it would have remained as such had he not met Ellie. Over the course of the last year, he had unwillingly and almost subconsciously let Ellie warm his broken heart. She had mended it and for that he would be forever grateful.

But did his feelings stretch deeper than that? Joel tried to remember a time he may have had such thoughts.

Winter.

Joel's eyes widened as he remembered. It was hazy as it had been during the time of his injury. He didn't remember much of that month—or however long it had been—but it was slowly coming back to him. He had had a dream of Ellie one night. Back then, under the influence of the pain and drugs, he hadn't thought anything of it, hadn't felt any sense of wrongness or awkwardness. Even now, as he recalled the dream the sense of it being wrong failed to surface.

He didn't really remember what had happened in the dream, just that Ellie had kissed him; a real kiss, not a simple peck of affection. Joel had kissed her back and the dream had faded out at after that.

Was Ellie right? Could her being "in love" with him not be considered wrong anymore?

_She's fourteen, you sick fuck,_ his mind cut in. _You're what, nearing fifty? You consider that right?_

"I don't know," Joel mumbled through gritted teeth.

He had been so careful throughout their trip. He had restrained himself from getting too personal, opening up too much. Reasons such as those were what had caused him to lash out at her before that they were not related and were going their separate ways. While Joel wished that changing his mind back then was only out of obligation to Ellie and Tess, he felt differently now. She was his light. He hadn't wanted to lose that light, even though he hadn't recognized such things back then.

As for her age, Joel felt he had to bring up, it wasn't like she acted fourteen. Joel truly forgot sometimes how young she really was. Living in the apocalypse, you grow up fast. Ellie really only ever acted like a naïve, innocent teen when she was reading from her joke book or questioning him about what life was like before the outbreak.

"Fuck this," Joel grunted, regarding his attempt at being scholarly. He best just talk to her.

He made his way quietly down the hallway, praying Ellie had just fallen asleep and they could start fresh tomorrow morning. He had never been a man with luck on his side however, so he wasn't really surprised when he heard Ellie muttering to herself from the other side of the door. Sighing heavily, Joel knocked on the door.

"Ellie?"

"Fuck off, Joel," Ellie shouted.

"Can we just talk?" he asked, slightly exasperated. "You didn't exactly give me a chance to back there before you took off."

There was a moment of silence before Ellie mumbled, "It's unlocked."

Joel opened the door and found her on top of a bed, legs drawn up to her chest. He stood awkwardly at the entrance.

"Well?" Ellie asked, egging him on.

Joel sighed again before beginning to walk towards her. "Look," he started, "this is all some murky water we're walking in here. I understand where you're coming from Ellie, but understand where I'm coming from, hm?"

"'Kay."

Joel sat down in the window seat and rubbed his temple before divulging his thoughts and feelings onto her.

"Twenty years ago, _this_," he drew an invisible line in the air between their bodies, "would've been highly looked down upon. It'd be labeled as wrong, perverted, hell I'd be going to jail for a long time and you'd be having to deal with some ugly name-calling."

"But that's-!" Ellie interjected.

"In the past, I know," Joel finished for her. "While I've quickly become accustomed to the monsters of our new world, it's been much harder for me to move on otherwise. Emotionally, morally, I'm still stuck in the past."

"Okay." Ellie didn't really know what else to say at the moment besides that.

"However," Joel started again while clearing his throat, "I do have to admit that after you stormed out, I had a chance to think about things and I believe I do have feelings for you, Ellie; I'm just terrified of showing it. Admitting to such things goes against everything I've ever known. While I'd happily throw all caution to the wind, you have to understand it's not that easy for me."

Ellie was smiling by now. Joel did have feelings for her! While they might not be as strong and persistent as hers were, he had just admitted they were there. That was something, right?

Her conversation with Maria came back to her. Biting her lip, Ellie prepared her next question.

"Joel," her voice was just above a whisper. Huffing, she decided to just be blunt about it. "What's sex like?"

"S'cuse me?" he barely managed to get out. He had _not_ been expecting this.

"I-I can't help it," she stuttered. "Ever since these _feelings_ surfaced, it's been on my mind. I've read about it in books, but… It's not really like that, is it?"

"Ellie, this is really starting to cross the line," Joel said.

"So fucking what, Joel?" she snapped. "That's the past talking!"

"No, this is the present talking!" he shouted back. "Perhaps having feelings for someone three times my junior is acceptable but sleeping with them most certainly is not!"

"It's not like I want you to go shout it from the rooftops! Jesus, Joel, I'm not asking you to impregnate me; you can pull out you know!"

Joel gritted his teeth; he knew nothing good would come from this. He should have just let her brood the rest of the night and talked to her in the morning.

"Ellie," he said, trying to calm himself down, "we are not talking about this."

"Fine then," Ellie quipped. "We'll just do it."

_The fuck-?_

Before Joel could blink, Ellie had her lips against his in what could only be described as the most awkward, yet desperate kiss ever. Joel didn't know what to do. All morality inside him was pleading him to break away, to berate Ellie for such foolishness and stalk out of the room. On the other hand, the emotions inside him were begging him to respond. It had been too long without true human contact. So what if all he had in front of him was a fourteen year-old girl. It would suffice; and for Joel she was more than he deserved.

"Please, Joel," Ellie begged him. Joel had never heard her voice sound so broken, so pitiful. It was only then Joel realized how much this girl truly loved him and he'd be damned if he was to break her heart any further.

_Fuck it_.

All morality left him as Joel crashed his lips back against hers and Ellie let out a little yelp in surprise. Ellie happily let Joel take the lead then as she clearly had only enough backbone to initiate the contact. The longer Joel let his lips linger on hers, the more the thoughts of how perverse this may seem or how many moral standards he may be breaking faded away.

Beginning to be fueled now by lust and desire, Joel forced Ellie's mouth open with tongue as he darted inside to taste her. He'd be damned not to love her back; and he'd be insane to turn away from the part of him that had admitted long ago that he did.

He was surprised yet also turned on when Ellie's hand began to travel south of his belt buckle and he bit back a groan as she gripped the bulge in his pants. He kissed her harder as he slowly and gently began to lower her back onto the bed.

"Joel," Ellie breathed as they pulled away for air. "I love you."

"I love you too, baby girl," he drawled as his mouth went to suckle the skin of her throat.

Ellie moaned as he trailed kisses down her neck before returning back up to claim her lips again. Her hands had now managed to unzip his pants as she reached a hand inside to grab his junk.

"Damn," Joel grunted at the contact. "You sure you never done this before?"

Ellie grinned up at him. "Must be a hidden instinct."

Joel lost all rationality after that.

He pulled away from her lips again as he moved to lift her shirt up, exposing her stomach.

Ellie pulled her hand out of his pants as he moved away and resorted to running them through his hair. She nearly squealed when he lowered his lips to her stomach and began to kiss around her belly button.

The quick little moans that escaped her only made Joel harden faster and he didn't know if he would even last long enough to get inside her. He didn't want to rush things though, both for her and for him.

Giving her a little bit of breathing room, Joel sat up to quickly dispose of his shirt, throwing it in a heap on the floor, soon followed by his pants.

Ellie took a moment to gaze at Joel's torso. Time had treated him graciously. He was still toned to perfection, his body marred not by age, but by scars. If one wasn't clear of the hell this world was now, they need only to look at Joel to get a clear picture. Scars and wounds, both old and new decorated his chest and stomach, but they didn't deter Ellie, they only made him more attractive in her eyes.

Her eyes then zeroed in on his most recent wound—the one from Colorado. Joel noticed and captured her lips with his.

"I have you to thank, you know," he murmured against her.

"I know," Ellie replied as she broke away before gently kissing the scar.

A low growl escaped Joel as she did. He was getting impatient.

Keeping his eyes on Ellie's to see if he was making her uncomfortable or if she was beginning to doubt herself, Joel carefully reached for the zipper on her pants. They joined his on the floor without any complaint and Joel knew her mind was made up.

He bent down to kiss her again, pressing himself against her to show her how much he wanted her. Ellie shivered as she felt his manhood against her inner thigh and she was left with chills as Joel's fingers danced down the length of her body.

He moved from her lips to her neck again as his hands slid under her shirt to play with the fabric of her bra. He felt Ellie shiver again and grinned against the skin of her neck.

"Joel," she whimpered.

Some fragment of morality kept him from taking off her bra as he skipped it in favor of moving on. Still covering her in kisses, Joel disposed of his boxers before sliding Ellie's underwear off as well.

"You sure you want this?" he had to ask. He couldn't do this with a sound mind without doing so.

Ellie just wrapped her arms around his neck and nodded. "I'll even say please."

Kissing her lips again, he positioned himself against her. Ellie couldn't keep quiet as he slid into her and Joel groaned along with her as she dragged her nails along his neck. He felt the wall of her virginity and looked back to her one last time. Her eyes were shut and her head was thrown back against the pillow and at that moment in time, Joel couldn't think of anything more beautiful.

He pulled back before thrusting into her, emitting a cry from Ellie. As he started a steady rhythm he felt like his eyes would roll back into his head. This felt so right. She was wet and hot around his bulging cock and every time she clenched, Joel had to hold himself back from releasing right then and there.

"Ellie," he groaned as she bent up to kiss his chest.

Ellie felt like a spring was being coiled tighter and tighter inside her stomach. With each thrust from Joel it clenched more and more and Ellie knew it would burst soon.

"Joel," she whispered. "I-I think…"

Joel knew what she meant as she was cut off by a low, feral growl and he sped up. Ellie's moans and gasps were becoming more frequent and Joel was going to make her orgasm with all he had. He clenched his eyes shut as her nails drug across his back, but if anything it only sped him up. Ellie's legs had wrapped around him giving him better access and he knew he was close.

Her head snapped back then as the coil snapped. Her body arched and Joel bent to kiss her stomach once more.

_"Joel_!" she screamed as she came around him, her body shaking violently as she rode out her orgasm.

Joel continued as he was until he couldn't any longer. Pressing his lips to Ellie's he pulled out and with a groan released his fluids.

Body spent, Joel nearly collapsed on top of Ellie before having the decency to move aside and lay beside her.

He could hear her breathing heavily beside him and he waited with bated breath for her to speak.

"Holy fuck," she said with a sigh. "That was more intense than any Infected we've encountered!"

All Joel could do was chuckle and wrap an arm around her.

"That everything you thought it'd be?" he asked.

Ellie rolled onto her side and curled against him her head resting above his heart.

"Better," she breathed. "Thank you, Joel."

Joel smiled as he watched her close her eyes. Leaning over to kiss her forehead he whispered, "You're welcome."

_I love you._


End file.
